


Real Talk

by Silent_Chick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Caring Dean, Crying Dean, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Thoughts of Suicide, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Dean Winchester, Reader expresses loneliness, Reader-Insert, friends to potential lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 06:45:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10736307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silent_Chick/pseuds/Silent_Chick
Summary: Dean meets up with a close friend of his that he hasn't seen in almost a full year.





	Real Talk

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most serious story I'll ever write (don't hold me to that).
> 
> The thoughts and feelings that the reader possess/expresses are of my own. So, this is personal, but I thought that someone else may need something like this. I know I'm not the best writer, but I hope it helps someone. I just needed to write something down about how I've been feeling recently and I didn't just want it to go to waste on my computer.

Dean was driving to meet up with a girl friend of his. He hasn’t spoken to her in quite some time. The last time they spoke it was around his birthday, which is in January, and she was wishing him a happy one and a Happy New Year. Now, it’s April. He’s been thinking about calling her or texting her, but he doesn’t want to annoy her with it if she doesn’t want to talk to anyone. They were kind of close, Dean would like to think. She was always around him and vice versa, walked each other to class, met after class to walk one another to another one… She was one of best friends and he wanted a little something more… And he’d hate to say it, but she pushed him away when the summer hit.

He’s been busy with school, focused on his studies because that’s what he promised his parents he would do. It’s been almost a year since they’ve been out of high school. So, it’ll be great to catch up with her.

Parking his old school hand-me-down classic, Dean gets out and goes in search for her.

She wanted to meet at the skate park, even though neither of them skates; to his knowledge.

Dean finds her sitting at the edge of one of the big bowls, watching some guys skate in another one over.

“Hey, long time no see.” He says, sitting down next her giving her a side hug.

“Hey, Dean.” (Y/N) gives him a brief closed lipped smile.

“So, what’s been goin’ on with you?"

She pulls her sleeves over her hands, playing with the left-over bit. “I’ve just been working. Still live with my parents. Um, that’s about it. How’s school?”

“Pfftt, sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s a pain in the ass. Grades are decent, I’m not failing any classes so I’m just keepin’ my fingers crossed it stays that way. The roommate I was supposed to have in my dorm room never showed up, so I got a whole room to myself. That’s probably the greatest part ‘cause I hear some of the other guys yellin’ at each other sometimes. It’s entertainment some days, but others when I’m tryin’ to study, I hafta go to the library before they close and get somethin’ done. I’m still workin’ at Rufus’ auto shop. He actually gave me a raise, took me by surprise, but he said I earned it and to think of it as a graduation gift. I know he’s got a soft spot for me since he’s known me since I was a little boy though, he just doesn’t want to admit it.” Dean chuckles, hitting his heels on the concrete under his feet.

(Y/N) stays quiet as they watch a guy fall from his board.

Dean picks at his fingernails. “You got somethin’ you need to talk about?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You sure? I mean, ‘cause you did ask me to come here.”

“If you don’t wanna be here, you can leave, Dean.”

He kind of rears back, scratching his head.

“I didn’t say that I didn’t want to be here, (Y/N). I asked, if you had to get somethin’ off your chest, and then you say, you got nothin’, but yet you asked me to come here. No word from you for almost a year and you’re catchin’ an attitude with me ‘cause I’m tryin’ to make sure you’re alright?”

“…Sorry…” She continues to not look at him, since giving him that smile.

Dean nudges her. “Come on, tell me what’s goin’ on. I’ve missed my girl. I know I could’ve called or text you, but the times I did they went unanswered.”

“I’ve missed you too. I wanted to talk to you, but I don’t know why I didn’t answer.” She sniffs, moving a sleeve up to her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” She cries.

Scooting closer to her, Dean places an arm behind her, so she’s able to lean on him if need be.

“Tell me about it.”

She starts playing with her sleeves once again. “Everything I do is a mistake and I fuck it up somehow. My life is going nowhere in a hand basket. Everyone I know is going to college right now.”

“Have you talked to your parents?”

“Dean, I’ve tried. My Mom literally told me it was just a phase and I’d get over it. They keep trying to get me to talk to a therapist, but I don’t need a fuckin’ shrink, okay? I just need someone there. Someone I know who will listen to each word that comes out of my mouth without trying to make me feel like a dumbass. Out all of the people I know, you’re the only one that fits that description. And I’m sorry for not talking to you for almost a year.” She harshly wipes at her face.

“All I do is eat, work, sleep, and repeat. I’m fuckin’ gaining weight ‘cause that’s all I do. I have nothing else going for me. What’s the goddamn point of me even doing anything if I’m just gonna fuck it up anyway? My Dad told me if I go see someone they could give me pills for depression. My fucking Dad told me that. He should’ve asked if there was anything he could do for me instead of talking about some fucking pills. I don’t even want to be around them most of the time. Hell, I don’t even want to be around myself. But if I go somewhere by myself I start to get anxious.”

Dean grabs the arm closest to him, putting his head on her shoulder.

“…I’m always on the internet. Google just seems to have all the answers… “Google, why do I feel sad all the time?” It has thousands of answers to give you… “Google, why am I the only one that hears my screams for help?” It has a few funny choices here and there… “Google, how can I just get one fucking thing right?”… It has no choices for me to choose from… What do I supposed to do if I have nothing to choose from? There’s no guidance… I’m just a lost fuckin’ sheep.”

It’s quiet between them as the sound of skateboards hitting the ground fills the silence before she speaks again.

“Most days it’s just me. I have battles with myself inside my head constantly and I’m so tired. “It gets better” what a bunch of bullshit. Who fuckin’ came up with that in the first place? I’ve been waiting and waiting for the better to come, but it’s nowhere to be seen. I want to cry 24/7, but the thought of crying that much makes me feel vulnerable and the vulnerably makes me want to cry. So, it’s just this constant stream of tears that I would have rolling down my face. I envisioned so much for myself by this time this year and none of it is achieved. Does that make me a failure? You may say that it doesn’t. But in my eyes it means, I’m the biggest waste of existence. What’s your worth? Every day I ask myself that question and there’s nothing to feed its hunger, so it gets louder and louder… I’m aware that there are people who has it or will have it worse than me. But right now, I just need this voice inside my head to be quieted. It needs answers and I can’t give it to it!... Sometimes I’m able to turn it down, but it only lasts for just a few moments… Then it’s right back where it was and sometimes it gets a little louder. When it gets too loud… I try to make it stop… but that’s only happened a few times. When my brain goes into overdrive, it hurts. I get headaches because I’m always thinking about something I’ve fucked up or something I know I’m gonna fuck up. It’s a constant cycle… that I’m not even close to winning. I guess that’s what finally forced me to call you, well text you. I’m scared to try the make the voice stop this time…”

Dean had no idea she was going through any of this. He couldn’t imagine feeling that way on a daily basis. Right now, he’s honestly speechless. She knocked down the generic sayings to pick someone up. (Y/N)’s only 18 and he’s 19, so he doesn’t have a shit ton of knowledge to give her.

He pulls himself away and gets up. “Come on.”

She looks up at him confused, before taking Dean’s offered hand.

Both of them in the car, Dean turns toward her rather than start the vehicle.

“Are you harming yourself?”

(Y/N) quickly shakes her head, not looking to him.

“Why don’t I believe you?”

She shrugs, staring out the window.

“Have you thought about suicide?”

“I don’t wanna talk about this.” She whispers.

Dean shoots out a hand, grabbing hers. “Hey, I know it’s hard to tell me the truth, but you’ve been doin’ great so far. How do I s’posed to help you if you’re not tellin’ me what I need to know?”

(Y/N) covers her face with her other hand.

Putting the key in the ignition, Dean backs out of the parking space.

 

He pulls up into her parent’s driveway.

“Why are we here?” She asks wide-eyed.

“’Cause I’m gonna check your room. So, either you let me in or I’ll knock on the door.” Dean’s already getting out of the car.

She lets them both in at the sound of the front door closing, a voice filters through the air.

“(Y/N) is that you?” It’s a woman’s voice.

“Uh, yes, Ma’am.”

There’s nothing after that and they make their way upstairs.

“Sit.” He tells her pointing to the bed and closing the door.

Dean checks under her bed with the flashlight on his phone, before heading to the bathroom. He grabs the razor he sees in her shower and another he found under the sink. He checks other places in the room, but comes up with nothing else.

“Is this it?”

Her eyes get shifty. Dean sighs, closing his eyes, he doesn’t want to have to say this, “If you don’t give me the rest of the stuff you have, I’ll go downstairs and tell your mom about this.”.

(Y/N) bites the inside of her lip, quickly slipping off her bed to various areas in her room. When she comes towards Dean, she gives him an opened pack of razors he’s seen girls use on their eyebrows, a few of the regular ones, and box of matches.

“You burn yourself?” He whispers.

“No, I light candles with them, but lately I’ve thought about it.” She responds truthfully.

Dean looks down at his hands, before dropping all of it. He pulls her towards him, burying his face in her neck.

Nothing is as real as it is when you’re actually in the moment. If you don’t know someone who’s doing this kind of thing, it doesn’t have an impact. But for Dean to hold the items that were meant for self-harm on someone he holds close to his heart, it breaks him. He came in strong, but looking at it all and knowing what she’s going through now, he’s not going to leave the way he came.

He doesn’t want to let go of her, but he does.

Dean directs them to the bed. He’s trying to stop crying, so he can talk, but all he can do is hold her hand.

“I care about you.” All of the emotions he feels can be heard through his words. “Please stop.” He wipes both eyes with his free hand. “Please.”

She cries harder at his plea.

“Don’t do this to yourself. What happens if you go too deep one day? You’re not by yourself. You’ve never been alone. I was just a phone call away. I would’ve came in a heartbeat if I knew you needed me. I wish you would’ve let me know. We could’ve figured out somethin’ sooner.” He puts a hand on the side of her face. “You’re beautiful, don’t do this. I know you don’t wanna hear this, but it will get better. I promise you it’ll get better. If you don’t think anyone cares about you, I’m sittin’ here as proof that somebody does. You may not be where you wanna be, but you’ll get there. Everyone has to go their own pace. Trust me. Please stop. I don’t wanna hafta go put flowers on a grave.” She throws her arms around his neck from their spot.

They both continue to cry.

“I care so much about you… What about your parents? You may not think they care, but they would be devastated if somethin’ happened to you… Your worth so much more than what you think are, Sweetie… You’re priceless… There’s only one of you and I’d rather be able to have that one instead of finding someone that comes close… I’m here for you, anytime of day. I don’t care if I’m in class, I’ll fuckin’ run out of there if you need me. Just don’t hurt yourself anymore.”

Dean squeezes the life out of her as she continues to cry. He’s said all he’s can; he just hopes it sticks. They stayed in the same position until she pulled back looking exhausted. He coaxes her under the covers, tucking her in.

She looks at him with her half-closed eyes as he swipes his thumb across her cheek. Moving forward, Dean kisses her forehead, closing his eyes before pulling back.

“We’re hangin’ out tomorrow. So, if you gotta work, call in sick, ‘kay?”

She nods.

Dean picks up the stuff he dropped, placing it in a grocery bag he saw on her floor.

“Come ‘ere.” She says, sticking an arm out. He goes over and she pulls him down further to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

He slightly smiles, tucking her arm back in. “You’re welcome. Call me, when you wake up.”

(Y/N) finally closes her eyes.

Dean walks down the stairs and her mom is staring at him.

“Hey Mrs. (Y/L/N), I came in with (Y/N), but she fell asleep. It’s nice to see you again.” He’s out of the house and in the car. Stopping a little ways down the street, he takes the grocery bag and puts it in the trash can that has yet to be dumped.

Dean thought that this was just going to be him meeting up with her again and all laughs and giggles. But he was totally caught off guard by how real their meeting got.

He’s glad it happened before it was too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always welcomed!!! <3


End file.
